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Gazillion (2011)

by Thunderegg

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1.
Ode to Brain Solo (free) 01:43
When I was younger I know I was smarter, my synapses crackling with compacts and charters. And now in my underwear sixteen years later, I wonder how I could've pissed it away. So I look at old photographs, pore through old journals, I ponder the ephemeral and the eternal. I review the lists and I check off the boxes and am forced to conclude nothing crucial was lost. So which one can truly be said to be harder: old visions revisited, hauled up from the waters, or new ideas acted on without a falter? I'd rather live with the whispers that I could've been greater than to hear a man say that I could've been braver. I can only conclude nothing crucial was lost. I can pick up the brain solo pretty much where I left off.
2.
Your Shoes Are Stupid (free) 04:05
Your shoes are pointed, with four-inch heels to keep you on your toes, so you can seem a little tougher to the people you don’t know. Your eyes elusive behind aviators, talking on the phone. Your shoes are stupid ’cause they’ll take you but won’t tell you where to go. Your shoes sit neatly by the doorway on a gorgeous Saturday. You are barefoot with the broker you chose for a fiancé. And for the rock you got, you won’t ask why he’s hardly ever home. Your shoes are stupid ’cause they’ll take you but won’t tell you were to go.
3.
A blind man says to his silent son, "How do I know that you're not dumb? Can't see wheels turn in my condition. Give me five dollars in questions." His son said, "One, dummy, who you talking to? Two, don't you know that I'm blind like you? Three, how long have you been sittiing with me? I'd say that's five dollars in questions." The blind man held a five-dollar bill that he got for his son from the bottom of the till. The son pulled a gun, said, "That's just a one. Where's my five dollars in questions?"
4.
He met her in a very ordinary way: He liked her pictures and the way she turned a phrase. He crafted his approach, hit the button and just hoped, and suffered hearing nothing for a day. In time she wrote to say he seemed okay. They had an absolutely ordinary date. He had three brews and she had two and then he paid. He walked her to the train, she said, “We should do it again.” She turned to go and then he called out, “Hey. Why don’t we do it again right away?” We’ll walk to the docks, where the river shimmers like a scimitar. I’ll work out the nerve to tell you just how beautiful you are. She said she had to get up early the next day. She’d be in touch, and thanks so much, but now it’s late. She went down the stairs; he thought he’d get some air and walked out to the river anyway. It glistened as he pictured all the same, flowed to the ocean in its ordinary way.
5.
6.
The richest men in the world were saying nice things about the astronauts that day when we skipped section to watch your television set. The richest men in the world were saying nice things about the astronauts with expressions of concession to one thing they’d never get. The richest men in the world were saying nice things about the astronauts that night when we were freshmen, I remember, you forget. The richest men in the world were saying nice things about the astronauts as they stared up to the heavens. I wish you the very best.
7.
On the Subway Car (free) 01:25
It is winter, when everyone is wider. I wish there were dividers on the subway car. And oh, how I miss her. Everything seemed brighter when I rode beside her on the subway car. Hey there, miss, your headphones buzz like a transistor. While you recline I'll close my eyes, say you're the one I left behind, her warm leg pressing against mine, our hearts beating the same time, her head softly on my arm on the subway car.
8.
Hundred-Dollar Dumb (free) 00:24
I bought the first round as the son of a gun who tries to get things done. And I bought the second when I had reckoned it'd be me or else no one. And I bought the third because everyone seemed to be having so very much fun. I was fifteen-minute sober, now I'm hundred-dollar dumb.
9.
You'll never try that line on me because I won't put myself in the position of conditional compliancy. You'll never try that line on me, because I'll be gone.
10.
The Ten (free) 02:52
One morning while he still reclined between the snooze bar and the grind, he had a vision of a graph that marked how happy’d been his past. And he decided that the Y would be divided 1 to 10, 1 being bummed and 10 as happy as a man could ever get. Don’t forget the chart goes on and on and on, the X line marks the day we’re on, and on into the future rolls to the beyond. And the 10 only represents how happy we thought we could get. When we approach it, then we see the ceiling lift eternally. I reached the peak, I peeked, and the end was the beginning and the 10 was now the infinite. I saw the line, I saw it lied. I saw you and I were spinning in the light beyond the definitions. So here we are and aren’t we starry-eyed, just wish I had control, wish I had the manual that told me all that was untold, like where to go and who to tell and who to tell to go to hell. Some won’t approve, some just confuse the lives of others with themselves. I hear them crying out beneath, I see them trying all the keys, I see you riding next to me, and I see all the rest recede. And here we are, the car, the night, the headlights glowing on the road. These are the only things we know, then you turn up the radio. I reached the peak, I peeked, and the end was the beginning and the 10 was now the infinite. I saw the line, I saw it lied. I saw you and I were spinning in the light beyond the definitions.
11.
Get Me a Bug (free) 00:42
So how did you get there? - Someone gave me a shove. Is it really high ceilings? - Higher than you ever dreamed of. Do you want some toast? - Just one slice if it's not too much trouble, then why don't you get me a bug? Get me a bug, darling, get me a bug, let me listen to the troubles of others for once Get me a bug, darling, get me a bug, and we'll see what we've got's not that different from love
12.
Lucky So-and-So (free) 01:50
I am the one with shabby clothes, a scar across my crooked nose, and she is the prettiest girl I know. She looked at me, and me she chose. I'd say I know why, but no, I don't. I'm just a lucky so-and-so. There was a time when I was sure I'd get all the good things I deserved. I'd stand by the wishing well while some other guy would help himself. Fuck that jive, I'm much too old. Now I cut the line and roll the bones. I'm just a lucky so-and-so. I'm just a lucky so-and-so.
13.
In a corner did they sit. They told no one who they were with. His eyes dropped to her fingertips, her nails were bitten to the quick. But when she smiled her face was lit with all he realized he had missed. So it seemed appropriate to raise their glasses to their lips. One and two had barely hit; another round to make it stick. The third and fourth were innocent, and slid into the fifth and sixth. With that it seems he did dismiss the wagon that had brought him in. So sad to be the man who isn’t living up to who he is. Closing time was imminent. She gently set her hand on his, which stripped his last hope to resist. They kissed, they kissed.
14.
Your Stupid Friend (free) 01:05
I just saw your stupid friend That is what I'd tell your friends If you had any of them Thank you for your CD-R No one wants your CD-R I just left it at the bar I just crashed your crappy car What's left of your crappy car Is crappier now than it was by far
15.
One More Button (free) 02:54
You are the daughter of the energy firm, your dad powers all of our homes. Your mom's an electrician, and I heard your sister controls all of our telephones. Clear the obstructions and resist your birth, open one more button on your button-down shirt. We will throw out all our chariots. We'll seek a much higher plane. There is no man who can bury us if we are the ones with the spade. Clear the obstructions and resist your birth, open one more button on your button-down shirt. Let me see something seen by no one else: By letting me see you, you will release yourself. I have filled my pitcher, I have seized the imposter. I have broken my finger, I have angered your father. Some will be husbands and some will be wives, some will be understudies all of their lives. Some people wreck and some will rebuild nations, the rest of them reckon with the reverberations. Clear the obstructions and resist your birth, open one more button on your button-down shirt. Let me see something seen by no one else: By letting me see you, you will release yourself.
16.
Will you wait for me like I'd wait for you? She said, "I'm fascinated, but everyone is sleeping. Time's passing me by, and I don't want to wait for some guy to decide if I am even worth keeping. Who died and left him that decision to make? There's gonna be some calculations tonight. I can't carry the zero all my life."
17.
When you lied to me, I told myself that it was story time. I closed my eyes to see the life that you described. It seems I closed my mouth to speak: not something that I lingered on. I believed you enough to play along. But I'm smarter now, at least enough to look around the room and know the sucker's probably me if I'm sure it isn't you. And so tonight I finally get that something here is very wrong. Don't try your lines on me. In the morning I'll be gone.
18.
19.
Summer Kids (free) 03:49
When she asked him what he meant, it’s as if someone insisted on a full statement of purpose. How can he explain, already feeling kind of nervous? When the words finally came, he was sounding like a tourist. They did the shimmy-round, they did the loop-the-loop. There were adjectives and nouns, but there was no sense to it. And the sun sliding down, shadows creeping cross the ground: The summer kids knew it, but they weren’t about to tell you what they knew. Sense? There is no sense. I’ll gladly be another victim of the grievously attractive. I saw one, she was jumping on a mattress. When the cops said stop, she said she still needed the practice. She did the shimmy-round, she did the Let’s Get to It. The summer kids backed her up with their sweet music, and the sun sliding down, shadows creeping cross the ground: The summer kids knew it, there was nothing more beautiful than you.
20.
Tie the blankets, tie the sheets. Through the window, climb with me across the bridges through the ice and snow from this hive of bees. Thanks for your tepidity—wonder what you thought of me. Guess there's some things that we'll never know. I'll let it be. I used to find it ominous to be so anonymous, then I came to get a kick out of how no one gave a shit. But in time being ignored just gets you kind of bored, New York. Let's get on with it. Have fun with your debutantes, fifteen-dollar whiskey shots, bankers with boners up and down the streets, packing meat. And maybe someday you will get one last chance to be impressed. Maybe someday you will say hello. I won't hold my breath. I used to find it ominous to be so anonymous, then I came to get a kick out of how no one gave a shit. But in time being ignored just gets you kind of bored, New York. Let's get on with it.

about

Will's final apartment in Brooklyn before he headed west was a sunny little studio above Café Regular in Park Slope. Here's most of the stuff that was recorded there, clocking in at a highly efficient 38:24 for twenty songs.

credits

released September 13, 2011

All songs by Will Georgantas, © 2010–2011 Zivlizdin Music (BMI). Recorded to four-track cassette at 158A Berkeley Place, Brooklyn. Tracks 2-7, 9, 12-13, 15-16: February 2010. Tracks 10, 18-19: August-September 2010. Tracks 1, 8, 11, 14, 17, 20: February 2011. Greg Zinman, lead guitar on "Lucky So-and-So."

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