1. |
If I Went on a Diet
03:21
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If I went on a diet, then would you love me? Even if there were so much less of me than there used to be?
When I’m walking down the street I feel you pulling deepest reaches of my spirit, secrets keep no longer than a winter evening, then I find I’m telling you all I never wanted to. It’s inevitable truth and I hate it through and through. To tell you what I thought would go against all I was taught, but I was never a good student, constantly needed improvement. And the curse only got worse till the fool I am emerged, found myself standing on the curb shouting out my foolish words. And I saw you before the mirror with your hands over your ears so that both you and reflection wouldn’t ever have to hear. "I love you" won’t be seeping through to either of you soon, but I’ll never drop the dream I’m heard by someone in between. And if I wear down your defenses and you say you love me too, I’ll put a ring upon your finger just to stick those words to you. But that which slips does also glisten, light shines forth in glimmer soft, from golden rings that I did give, from soap you used to slip it off. And I’ll find that I’m back standing where I’d long ago once stood, except an aftermath equivalent can never feel as good. Before I watched what I was eating, thought I’d get in shape for you, now I couldn’t have a bite even if I wanted to.
If I went on a diet, then would you love me? Even if there were so much less of me than there used to be?
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2. |
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I died today for just a minute, a blur to gray, then I was wide awake, what’s that, it’s blood, you’re soaking in it, I died today for just a minute.
You heard me say I died today, I have no witness to substantiate my claim, but name something different to explain my pain and my blood running down the drain. Last thing I remember is fireflies growing bigger and bigger till they overflowed my eyes. One flew away, took my life with it, I died today for just a minute.
I died today right where we lay and wondered what respects you’d pay, and if my last wish you’d obey, and if you’d stay up till dawn and pray for me to rise again from that stony end, for me to sit bolt upright, grip the posts of the bed. It’s upon your faith that my spirit depends, please don’t let me down, please don’t let me descend to the darkness where I am confined, baby lend me your breath, put your lips to mine, and if I wake up in the middle of the night, I’ll know it’s to you that I owe my life. I’ll love you beyond mortal limits with a fire that can’t be extinguished. I’ll hold you tight until the finish. I died today for just a minute.
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3. |
Supergirlfriend
02:00
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We were both under the impression that we gave and got nothing back. Where these gifts were going, neither of us could say. But in the larger cosmic order, someone was being rewarded. We should have tracked him down to pry what we gave away.
Sometimes I think you were perfect and I just threw you back because I’m happier when I am stretched on self-loathing’s lonesome rack. You made me full of life but when you woke me from the dead, you dulled my only knife, you made it lose its edge. So that when darkness fell, I could not defend, and depended on the strength of my marvelous girlfriend.
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4. |
To See Things Begin
04:17
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I’m just sitting on the sofa, baby, like I got nothing to do. But I’m waiting for you to come over and to run my hands all over you. It’s too early to confide. Just slide over to my side. Ooh, how I love to see things begin. Ooh, knock on my door, baby, how I love to let you in.
So I ushered her into my kitchen. I encouraged her to take off her shoes. Before I could hustle her with my fiction, she urged me to show her the other room. We were off like a big gun had us shot into the sky. We both thought we had found someone. To our shock, we both were right. And I don’t know about the places you’ve been to, and I can’t recall the names of all who you love, but I think I like what I’m getting into. I think I’d like to hit the lights and let the night do all it’s capable of. Ooh, how I love to see things begin. Ooh, knock on my door, baby, how I love to let you in.
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5. |
In the Loft
03:30
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She rattles off a clatter up the ladder as she writes electric letters to her mother about matters of disaster. When I ask her if she’s mad, she says she doesn’t have it in her. It’s just another Saturday in the cavern-cold arcade where the guests are always gusting, their requests are so disgusting. Why don’t you swirl the photos like leaves on an autumn day, I say. Swirl them on the carpet, before I can cart it away. In the loft, we never did consider the cost. When you get all that space, think of what you lost.
She’s still typing something frantic, no doubt about her antics. I know what you were doing the other side of the Atlantic. It was cheap, cheap, low, dirty, dirty, tap tap tap tap, does you mother sympathize? If she does, it’s no surprise. She has a right to fantasize no one should ever be denied. But not on my time, when you’re using my phone line—the computer’s also mine—while you disseminate the message that it’s tough, but you’ll be fine. You will not be mine, but you will not be fine. But I really can’t say why. I sat forever on that line. How can I say I don’t want you to be OK, and that I don’t agree that being kind is the best way? It’s just so sad I’m not invited. Go ahead and just keep writing. Tap tap tap drifting down to me below. Tell your mom I say hello from the loft. We never did consider the cost. When you get all that space, think of what you lost.
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6. |
Christy Pickle
03:09
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Christy Pickle didn’t have a care, he played fifty-two pick-up solitaire. Threw the cards up into the air, then he’d roll around in them in his underwear. When he was ready for the night to begin, he’d jump in the Civic and take it for a spin. It had a hundred thousand miles but it didn’t show cause it had four new tires and a killer stereo. He let it go because he knew that some things were out of his control.
When I go to bed I like to lie and watch the little stars in my plaster ceiling sky. There’s a galaxy on my walls and my door and I always make a wish when they fall to the floor. And I wish you could be here with me tonight, basking in phospholuminescent starlight. But you’re out with that guy, I’ve for-gotten his name, I guess if he’s not me then they’re all the same. I’ll let it go because I know that there are some things that are out of my control.
People offer drugs, people offer advice, taking one is pretty good but taking both is twice as nice. It doesn’t matter if the music’s good, if you like it, it is, if you don’t, you misunder-stood. A new romance is like a ride when your heart is thumping as you step inside, and I’d hold your hand on this roller coaster car, but you’re waving yours in the air and I’ve got mine on the bar. I’ll let it go, because I know that there are some things that are out of my control.
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7. |
I Turn Automatic
02:41
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I was right that I was wrong: Hope you'll concede at least that much and we can just move on. Like the traps set in the attic, I’m spring-loaded, I get goaded, I turn automatic.
I wasn't like this when I was young. I was the nice kid on the bike, scared of no one. Aside from time, nothing bad happened. You choose who you'll give your love to, but I turn automatic.
If a man can win your love, his only chance is giving up. I had to lose you to convince you I didn't care enough to miss you.
I've heard that life's supposed to be hard. How else can we tell if we deserve to be who we are? The door latch, it snaps like static. Tomorrow I would follow, but tonight I turned automatic.
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8. |
Old Girlfriendses
02:29
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What be it that doth dull the senses when I think about my old girlfriendses? That maketh a milder man of me, that pusheth pain to furthest memory? That doth not vex me in my wakefulness, or steep me deep in helplessness? Woe be the day that crashes my defenses, and my heart is washed away by old girlfriendses.
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9. |
When the Cables Break
04:23
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Maybe tabling the arrangement couldn't save me from a face-off with the way that I've always been. Probably better if I'd let her have her way and started settling in. I thought our record of discretion would have only led to questions far too hard for me to tell the truth. But they're still easier to answer than if you've got no one to answer to. Sometimes you are the occupied, with your pretty countryside carved up in some room. But the underground will thrive as the citizens defy the order of the troops. When the cables break and what was stable quakes, and the subway trains start to fly, will the hand of fate, built of all our faith, catch us falling out of the sky? I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid.
As I remember I was nothing but a fortress that September so I'm glad you clarified that I was trembling in the corner with my hands over my eyes. And now that it's all started over, can I offer you my shoulder, can I offer you the proof that I never wanted anybody more than I needed you? Sometimes you are the afterlife, while those around you testify they'll join up with you soon. And all along you wonder why someone would choose to stand in line when no one told them to. When the cables break and what was stable quakes, as we knew that they would all along, will it be too late for men like me to pray, and for me to say that I was wrong? I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid.
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10. |
You Forget, You Get Wet
02:30
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You looked up at the sky and the clouds were a guy you denied last July. When he cried, didn’t bite, called him child, said goodbye. Weren’t you warned that a cloud is a storm? You forget, you get wet, you forget, you get wet.
And I vow that I won’t be a fool for you now. And I vow I won’t go to the pool with no towel. It feels cold to my toes, then you spin, push me in. You forget, you get wet, you forget, you get wet.
I was soaked to the bone in my clothes, nearly froze, but could not tell you that it was not a good joke. Frozen through, lips were blue, trembling, too, but I knew, you forget, you get wet, you forget, you get wet.
Long ago I was told to control what I hold, not to go and disclose what was bold in my soul. But my feelings for you excepted all the rules. You forget, you get wet, no such thing as "except."
So you stop, wonder why some traditions don’t die: Why do newlyweds all have a ball at the falls? Memory can obsess, memory can oppress. You forget, you get wet, you’re not dead, you’re just wet.
A mistake I will make, it’s a risk I will take. Drive me out to the lake, I will plunge for your sake. Water black, it forbids, water cold, I jump in. I forget, I get wet, and I want to get wet.
Then I hear something splash, coming from the lagoon. Then I see you swim under the glow of the moon. Then I pull you in close and tell you I love you. I forget, I get wet, I get wet, I love you.
I’d say I love you if I knew that there’d be any use.
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11. |
Ceiling Fan
03:31
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Oh, let’s say you weren’t all the trouble that you are. Let’s pretend to forget the broken cars and totaled hearts. Let’s just say the pain was blameless and it was nobody’s fault. But then it’d be impossible to talk about you at all. You were felonious from loneliness but never got caught, and they won’t print wanted posters, not that that’s not what you want. And the ceiling fan keeps spinning up above the bed you made. If you look at it real quickly you can single out the blades. Oh, oh, oh you ran away from me, me, me, and didn’t say you’d be, be, be, be back again. But I thought I’d wait for the return of the blade.
Oh, I guess I owe you some more charity that that, especially when you stayed up with me when I passed out on the bathmat. You told me your life story and you offered your confession cause you knew that the next morning I would have no recollection. And I’ll bet you think I’m being just a little sentimental for someone who drives around in a Lincoln Continental, but I’m not the owner, it’s a loaner you can drive into the ground. I’ll just stay on the bed you made and watch the ceiling fan spin round and round. Oh, oh, oh you ran away from me, me, me, and didn’t say you’d be, be, be, be back again. You wrapped the grille around a tree, but you gave me back the keys.
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12. |
Smoke Signals
03:37
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Everything that happened was a blur, but she definitely ran from the parking lot with a friend of hers. She left behind some matches and some nasty schnapps masking as classy pomegranate liqueur, and the ashes of some letters in an old can of cheddar cheese crackers she'd thrown to the birds.
And you remember addressing each and every envelope, sentimentally expressing what you believed were the most pressing confessions, and waiting for her to post back her affections, but you'll just have to interpret the smoke that might read like the words she never wrote, drifting up to the sky by the Sears, drifting higher and higher till it disappears.
You better watch out; there are so many noises out there. Sirens and pistols and evacuation whistles crying since the end of the affair. It didn't have to happen the way an assassin will relieve the room of its air. It could have unraveled gradual and left you believing that what you once had was still there.
And in the darkening parking lot, slowly the local kids show with their Goats and Darts and bottles of ammonia and throttles and racing hearts, and nobody notices you stand there and watch them run under and over the smoke, all that speed but they never really go. Doubling back when they get to the end, doubling back so they might try again.
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13. |
The Building of the Bed
02:28
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He built a bed based on what she said, to raise his mattress from the floor and him from the dead. Two-by-fours and four-inch bolts at Home Depot purchased.
And there they lay through the winter haze, through draft-dodging nights and dismal days, till one morn he dismantled it, the day he moved away.
He brought the lumber to his new place of slumber, rebuilt the bed alone, finally unencumbered. But the slats fell through, the wedding bed had been put asunder.
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14. |
Ten Sleeves
03:29
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Underneath the sky and all the bodies in motion, underneath the deep oceans' floor, earth's core, and its molten explosions—underneath that fire lies my devotion, all my convictions and notions so hopelessly hopeful. And I can see that I deceive no one. Five layers, ten sleeves, and my heart bleeds on every one.
Underneath disguises lying at the surface there's one reliable person, there is the end of our searching. And underneath a moment I see forever, whole books where there's just one letter. I know I just met her. And I can see that I deceive no one. Five layers, ten sleeves, and my heart bleeds on every one.
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15. |
Skeletons
03:58
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One restless night I felt so strange, my sense of sight had somehow changed. I saw no bodies, saw no souls, but skeletons—I saw just bones. I saw my darling Annalee. I saw her start to notice me. I saw her skeleton so frail. Her pretty face was but a veil.
She ran away from where she’d hid, back to the same predicament. What was contained so deep within to drive her straight right back to him? I was in pain, I was perplexed, wanted to blame her for my mess that I’d created by myself, without her harm, without her help.
I walked the streets of lonely folks, hearts surely beating beneath their coats. Surrounding me all that I saw were skeletons shuffling along. For a long while I could not keep my wandering mind from Annalee. But slowly I got on my feet. Sure enough, time took care of me.
I met a girl not long ago. At night with her, I pull her close. Under her clothes I feel her flesh, along my neck I feel her breath. And her green eyes have made me see all that once had eluded me. The skeletons may lie beneath, but now I see, now I’m complete.
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16. |
I Felt Wonderful
03:47
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And I felt wonderful, just like summer would if a season could feel. I felt so good, like all was understood. Lightning-struck and thunder-shook. I felt wonderful.
So I told myself I’d always remember exactly the way it felt, so that every time we were together, I could think back and tell myself that I felt wonderful, just like summer would if a season could feel. I felt so good, like all was understood. Lightning-struck and thunder-shook. I felt wonderful.
Sometimes you can’t rely on rules you invented. Other times you find they work too well. But you find no matter what you intended, there are lessons learned and the world still turns and it wouldn’t be living if it didn’t sometimes hurt. And I felt wonderful, just like summer would if a season could feel. I felt so good, like all was understood. Lightning-struck and thunder-shook. I felt wonderful.
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17. |
Not What I Meant
03:07
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I am wondering, I am just wondering if there's something I could maybe do for you to want me, or just to need me, I'm not greedy when it comes to you. I have no expectations whatsoever: That is what I said, but that's not what I meant.
We started dating, we started dating, so elated, I said "I love you," but no reciprocating. I meant the way you love a cake or a good pair of shoes. You know, as in friends—sorry to misrepresent. That is what I said, but that's not what I meant.
We stayed together, together through some nasty weather, till one day she said she could do better. Walked out the door, and I just let her walk away. I have no regrets and I wish you success.That is what I said, but that's not what I meant.
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18. |
Truce
02:58
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I hereby recognize that you will never exceptionize me and the only way you’ll call is if we call it a truce, can I still be friends with you?
Hoping for illumination, wound up with elimination. Middle ground is hard to find when you’re halfway down the cliff. Didn’t want to be tempted to kiss her, convinced him-self that she was his sister. Now he’s even more depressed, tempted toward incest. If we call it a truce, can I still be friends with you?
From my window I can see you sitting in front of your TV. But when I switch my over-head on, you’re gone, and my windows become a reflection of me. I know that I haven’t called you since March but you can be sure I still know your number by heart and I’m hoping to God that you won’t let it ring and you’ll know why I’ve called before hearing a thing. I want to call it a truce, can I still be friends with you? If we call it a truce, can I still be friends with you?
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19. |
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It’s getting kind of hard to take. You’re always stuck in the same place. It’s time to reassess your fate. Just three places you can be found: at work, in bed, and underground. No wonder you just drag around. Now you’re not getting out of bed. You’ll make the commute in your head and pop another Sudafed.
The effort isn’t always worth the fruit it brings. There should be wheels on everything.
Just think what these wheels could do. You could roll to the next room, or even roll the room to you. I know it’s hard to visualize a world with wheels upon its skies, where you just grab hold and you fly. Fire trucks chasing the fire, the wheels have wheels, so do the tires. Stand back, they’re rolling in the choir.
The dead are rolling in their graves. There’ll be no rolling back their days, but thunder’s rolling far away. Hate to bust up your fantasy, but heavy things remain heavy even if they coast with ease. One thing that we learned too late: the problem never was the skates. The problem’s always been the brakes.
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20. |
The Envelope Pushes Back
04:37
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We transferred in Stamford, anticipating our New Canaan. Excuse the interruption of your reveries, but the conductor’s been instructed to give this decree: The powers who deem profitability have asked for you to please display your pedigrees. And I will wake in profound confusion, and I will drink from the glass they give, and I will taste their proud infusion, and I will wonder whose life I should live. The envelope pushes back, sick and tired of being conspired against by all the hacks.
I like a world that is murder, and I find myself a willing right-hand man. Speaking low late at the hideout, laying down plans that I don’t quite understand. And the enmity that they send to me when they say that things will never, ever be, and the enmity that they send to me, have they considered that it’s gonna be the end of me? How many licks does it take to get to their core? How many licks can I take, and keep coming back for more? The envelope pushes back, sick and tired of being conspired against by all the hacks.
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21. |
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It first came up when tuning one night down in Vera Rubin, sliding down the scale to match the E. Woodfin rocked a break under the Scorpion of Jake and Justin took the mic, surprisingly. I was only twenty-one but the way that our band swung, I was sure that we were gonna be huge. In exchange for my commitment, started acquiring equipment, and bought a four-track when I turned twenty-two. I taped a couple versions, had mixed results with the dispersion, but was still positioned well at twenty-three. One thing that I did know was that rock radio did blow and that there had to be an opening for me. Deliverance from crack rock, deliverance from crack rock.
When I was twenty-four I was the Man, when I was twenty-five I was the mack. When I was twenty-six I had the bitterest existence trip, I didn't know if I would ever come back. At twenty-seven I had to regroup, at twenty-eight I had to pay some dues. Now I just turned twenty-nine, had the same list at twenty-five, but I'm not dumb enough anymore to follow through. Deliverance from crack rock, deliverance from crack rock.
You can postulate forever why you are no longer clever or why you can't seem to get up the nerve. What that accomplishes is never gonna serve you any better than if you just sat down and did your work. Time cannot be recaptured, but the past's a total bastard, who wants to hang out with him anyway? Better to focus on what's lasted and whatever's coming after and to count our blessings while we pray for a Deliverance from crack rock, deliverance from crack rock.
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22. |
Pardon Your French
03:46
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I was laying candles on the mantel while you put on the negligee. There was no reason there should be a scandal if the injured party’s gone away. What was that sheen I seen, pictures of him? Thought you buried the evidence. I hope he’d understand that I could be any man and he’ll pardon your French. Yeah, it wasn’t just what you said. Hope he’ll pardon your French, and let it all come down on your head instead.
I’d be naive if I didn’t believe he had revenge fantasies up his sleeve. Seething on the streets of Paris, reading a sheet that leads back to my La Bohème seedy scene. I would lay the blame on your frame if I weren’t reaping the benevolence. I just hope he’d understand that I could be any man and he’ll pardon your French. Yeah, it wasn’t just what you said. Hope he’ll pardon your French, and let it all come down on your head instead.
I am not the threat. I just took what I could get. And I’m sorry he’s upset, but I’ve done nothing I will regret.
Because it was you and only you who made the mistake, and thanks to that same brand of confusion, I’ve got the same heartache. At least the two of you get to share the same continent. I hope he’d cut some slack for a Jacques who was just as jacked, and he’ll pardon your French. Yeah, it wasn’t just what you said. Hope he’ll pardon your French, and let it all come down on your pretty head instead.
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23. |
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Who doesn’t have an office crush? The one they always take to lunch? The one they noticed right away, the one they’re with ten hours a day, the one they find they long to touch? Someone who hears the arguments while pretending to file documents, who hears exactly what you say, who tells you it will be okay over a stairwell cigarette?
So one night they tell us all Tim from production’s moving on. They’re having drinks at six, I know who I’ll be drinking with. We’ll be there till the last call. And then we’ll stand outside the bar. The streets aren’t lit up like we are. I kiss your cheek but seem to slip and meet the corner of your lips, and you climb silent into the car.
Let’s not and say we did. Won’t need forgiveness for our sins, we’ll be completely innocent, if we just don’t and say we did.
It was the best night of my life. All of the stars must have been aligned. As you undressed before the blinds, the lonely streetlamp shined behind, binding you in bands of light. You always wondered what I’d do if you suggested a rendezvous. And as I take the fateful trip across this room into your grip, I think that I have answered you.
And then we curl into our dreams, and I will have a fitful sleep. I dream not of what I need, I dream not of what I seek, I dream of what I failed to keep.
Let’s not and say we did. There is no state that’s permanent, but let’s not break up our lives yet, we can have a night we won’t regret, we can have a night we won’t forget. We can still warmly dream of it if we just don’t and say we did. If we just don’t and say we did.
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24. |
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The American standard is slipping and it’s all your fault, all your fault. The social fabric is ripping and it’s all your fault, all your fault. Nobody noticed anyone up on the ladder but they saw you fall off the shelf. You could have avoided that disaster if you could change a bulb by yourself. I was the one who was the missing person, I shot the gun but didn’t mean to hurt you, I thought you and I were both made of vapor. Imagine my surprise to see that you had fallen down.
The American standard is slipping and it’s all your fault, all your fault. The social fabric is ripping and it’s all your fault, all your fault. Nobody but a fool ever tried to matter to anyone but himself, and then you had to go and ruin ancient patterns, make me think of you and nothing else. I was the one who was the distant person, I was the one on a mission of aversion, I thought you and I looked bad on paper. Imagine my surprise when I found how I’d come around.
The American standard is slipping and it’s all your fault, all your fault. The social fabric is ripping and it’s all your fault, all your fault. And of course he’s hoping she’ll be flattered that she’s the one he’s fallen for, but of course by then they both will have scattered to opposing ends of the corridor. I was the one who was the kissing bandit, I think that I want you but I don’t think I can stand it. Everybody’s saying I should tell you later, imagine my surprise when I say that I think I love you now.
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25. |
Will Bite
03:10
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My day goes slower than the train rolls by the only road to my home when I’ve worked late. Now I’m looking toward the sideline, taking all your guidelines, tossing them away. My conscience is getting so obnoxious, we’re not on speaking terms until it shapes up. Quitting is an active thing, passivity is employing, I’ll show you what an action hero’s really made of.
Fifty-one, forty-nine, better pick one side of the line. Through all sorrows and delight, don’t push me, I will bite.
My cubicle keeps me safe from human view so I can work my Rubic’s Cube free from prying eyes. My passion is being counteractive, jamming up the faxes, being drunk by five. I only speak the truth, the sky is blue and so are you, so I have made you carrot cake. I used cream cheese, I know it always makes you sneeze, but that means all the more for me, now that’s a lucky break.
Here’s Ashley, looking like a lesser Gatsby, rolling up a fatty in toilet paper. Makes me wake and have a taste-y, a little shake n’ bake-sy, or his feelings get hurt. I’ve slept plenty, it’s already four-twenty, I shouldn’t be so sedimentary lying on the floor. I take a drag of Ashley’s stick of magma and feel more igneous than the second just before.
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26. |
The Boat on Home to You
02:36
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I’m on the boat and I’m coming home to you. Won’t be too long, the mainland’s come into view. I didn’t buy you a present, though I wanted to. I never even wrote, but at least I’m on the boat, and I’m coming home to you.
I’m on the boat and I’m coming home to you. But when I land there’s just a few things that first I’ll have to do. I got friends at Sandy Ground and we’ll have a beer or two, but don’t you fret, I’ll be home yet, and besides, we’ll drink to you.
I’m on the boat and I’m coming home to you, and I might be hammered before the night is through. I’m on my fifth just sitting on the deck, I haven’t met my rendezvous at Sandy Ground yet. But don’t you worry, baby, you’re the jury, baby, and I’m telling you true: eventually I’ll make it home on this boat on home to you.
Well the hijinks up at Sandy Ground, well, they may get out of hand. And I might have to bring the boys home with me, at least those that cannot stand. You see, these are the responsibilities that come with being a man, and if I know you, and I sure do, I know you’ll understand.
I can’t help it if they snore, but I’ll leave a bucket on the floor. Aw, honey, they can crash on the couch, it’s not like we don’t have the room. What’s that you say, baby? You want me to go out there too? Well, maybe I’ll just get back on that boat on away from you.
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27. |
This Week
02:26
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I will never fall in love, I will never fall in love, I will never fall in love with you again this week.
Saw through something before it could begin. I’m so smart I think I deserve a medal. Pin it directly to my skin. Push it deep so I’ll always remember. I will never fall in love, I will never fall in love, I will never fall in love with you again this week.
A wire taut enough to walk. I know you think I’m just wanting some tension. But I can’t get my eyes off the clock. All I really want’s an extension. I will never fall in love, I will never fall in love, I will never fall in love with you again this week.
My heart pounds in my head first thing Sunday morning. I think I’ll never get out of my bed. I think I’ll be forever adoring. I will never fall in love, I will never fall in love, I will never fall in love with you again this week.
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28. |
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The richest men in the world were saying nice things about the astronauts that day when we skipped section to watch your television set.
The richest men in the world were saying nice things about the astronauts with expressions of concession to one thing they’d never get.
The richest men in the world were saying nice things about the astronauts that night when we were freshmen, I remember, you forget.
The richest men in the world were saying nice things about the astronauts as they stared up to the heavens. I wish you the very best.
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29. |
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You couldn’t love me like you should, couldn’t take the bad with the good. Or was it good with the bad? To hear you tell it, that’s all we had, but I’ll take it. My eyes square on the floor means I don’t love you anymore. But if I stared where I was supposed to, I’d be scared of seeing ghosts who never dreamed we’d never make it. All I wanted was what you wanted was what I wanted. Hold me here in our feedback loop, fingers in our ears, please don’t run screaming out the room.
It’s gonna be all right, I just wish it was better already, then all right could be better too.
Anyone ever hang up on you? Do the same kind of things you say I do? Don’t try and contradict it, this time there is a transcript. At the end, I go, “Hello? Hello? Hello?” You think that I deserved it, serves me right when I deserted, just when it seemed so perfect. I had to try and burn it down, I had to cry, “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.” All I wanted was what you wanted was what I wanted. Were you happier after you decided to call to say the love that you got was worse than nothing at all?
It’s gonna be all right, I just wish it was better already, then all right could be better too.
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30. |
Pillowcase
02:41
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I’ll shut up now, I can see the words I say cut through you and still worm their way to the heart that was mine till today. The words I add make the cutting cut cold and fast. I regret what I have said but I know that words can’t take words back. What’s the point to making this whole thing break if we not only lie alone, we lie alone and cold awake? It was a mistake, whatever it was we discussed, far too much for 2 a.m. to ever be entrusted with.
I can hear you singing in the next room, something that you made up, something I’m afraid we’ll never do, till it’s too late and I’ve lost you.
I’ve lost my way. I can hear my heartbeat race, dashing in my inner ear, up against my pillowcase. But just last night I heard yours pounding in your chest, and where we’d be in twenty hours, neither of us would dared have guessed. But we knew then, somewhere it jumped the tracks. And though some derailings can be fixed, another train’s coming, we can’t go back.
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Thunderegg San Francisco, California
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